If the “Belichick monkey” wasn’t metaphorical, Drew would be facing animal cruelty charges after beating the living daylights out of the Patriots Sunday.

Meanwhile, a new, meaner monkey may have appeared, and he is jumping up and down all over New England’s Bill Belichick.

After the Buffalo Bills handed the New England Patriots a 31-0 drubbing Sunday, one would think a Bills fan would love to watch and read every piece on Week One in the NFL. Takeo Spikes and company did absolutely trounce of one of Buffalo’s two biggest rivals, and the other (da’ Fish) embarrassingly lost to a no-where-near-playoff-caliber expansion team. Last year’s division champ also fell flat under the national spotlight.

True, no blue-blooded Bills fanatic can get enough of seeing our new favorite 370-pounder barreling nearly 40 yards for the Pat-breaking touchdown. It is oh-so nice to watch the reoccurring highlights of Miami weeping face down on their own turf. I think it safe to assume we all love listening to talk of Dave Wannstedt being on the hot seat.

At the same time, I wince and cringe as football “experts” start banging away on the banjo on their knee as they try to board the Buffalo bandwagon. Maybe I’m a little worried about the team getting jinxed, but I’m not too superstitious, as sports fans go. I just hate how fast these guys who watch football professionally change what they say. Sure, they started cautiously strumming away last week when Lawyer Milloy signed on the dotted line in Orchard Park. However, I didn’t hear any such tune the entire offseason. Yes, Milloy was a big help Sunday, but Buffalo already had the vast majority of its talent in place by then. The commentators were busy singing the praises of Brady and the Pats, Seau and the ‘Phins, and even Pennington (of course, now it is Vinny) and the Jets. By my non-scientific count, more experts picked the Pats and/or Fish to go all the way than predicted the Bills would win at least nine games this season. The change in tune has been as drastic as the transition between Britney Spears and Aerosmith during the Pepsi-drenched NFL kickoff event.

The new melody is going to be a chart topper throughout NFL clubhouses once everyone sees the wreckage Hurricane Travis, Hurricane Drew and Category-51 Hurricane Takeo leave behind in Florida over the next two weeks. What if they run the gambit in Jacksonville and Miami, come back home and knock the Philadelphia Eagles out of the sky? Ooh, I know I’m getting way ahead of myself now, but, man, I’d have to get my earplugs out.

Okay, okay. So, I’m failing to see the important thing here. The Bills just clobbered the Pats. Just about every new addition already started paying off in big dividends. They are 1-0 in the division. Every other team in the AFC East lost their opener. No one in the whole NFL looked as good as the Bills did Sunday. They made it out of a much-heralded showdown not only with a huge win but also with everyone healthy. Wow, when did things look so good for the Bills last? Note to self, I am not superstitious. I am not superstitious… This is just straight scary. Onward to Florida.